I’m Scared of Being Hurt Again.

Dear Relationship expert,

 For all the times I tried dating in the past years I have been meeting wrong guys who have lied to me, fooled me, used me and broke my heart many times. So, I had decided to give a break to relationships and I have been living a happy and stress-free single life for two years now. But towards the end of last year, I met this wonderful guy, he’s so caring, loving and so amazing. I just don’t know how to stop comparing him from all the guys that I have had in my past relationships. I really want this to work out but I’m scared of being hurt again. This guy has been really  understanding all my insecurities. He hasn’t given me any reason to be insecure. I keep over thinking and over analyzing and making myself miserable.

Help me please!

My Reply:

 You aren’t alone. Many/most people bring their unlearned lessons, fears, vulnerabilities, and “stuff” with them to their new relationship. Your insecurity sounds like it’s stemming from a combination of lack of control and being vulnerable. My advice: I get that you are scared of being hurt… but you can’t control everything. Part of love is trust and faith. Sometimes you have to let go so that you can grab on.
I know what a challenge it is to let go like that. If a challenging situation arises… take a breath and see if it’s your issue (from your past), or if it’s him doing something that is a red flag.
Here’s the harsh truth: There’s no bulletproof way to protect yourself from getting hurt — other than never starting a relationship. Just relax and enjoy the moment. You don’t need to have all the answers today. Let the future reveal itself, and then you can make your choices with what’s in front of you. Also remember that people aren’t the same. So you never know this might be the time for your true love.
Otherwise, thanks for being a great reader of my articles and I wish you a happy relationship. Stay blessed!