I am a doctor, a carpenter, an economist, a news reporter, a computer scientist; just say what you want, I am. Things have got so casual in our job market that little regard is given to professionalism. No one today in this Eastern part of Africa gives a damn about what you did in college or university if there is any difference between the two. You became what is needed in the market by word of mouth than by attending any specific classes.
If the market readily thirsts for doctors, you know what is needed of you, a very clean white coat, a fake bald for men, some specks, and of course the confidence to mercilessly administer water in the name of a malaria vaccine. One attribute though must be possessed by all adherents of the fake it till you make it principle. This golden rule is to always have an excuse to give for whatever mistake you may make in the line of duty. You don’t let the victims or the public doubt your competence.
By this rule, people have been able to switch careers at will. Hoteliers have made very good security agents, economists have treated Ebola, carpenters have generated electricity, and computer scientists have been in the forefront of animal husbandry. I am an adherent of this principle too, so don’t expect me to give anything negative about it. Besides, the end must always justify the means. Provided whatever I am doing puts food on my table, why should I care? This order of things had worked very right for our country till when at some point those people from different professions who had faked to be security agents suddenly for some reasons tried to fake it for a second time to be news reporters.
You see, since the beginning of the year, deaths had been occurring due to negligence of the security system in our country. Since I and fellow countrymen fakers must stick to this principle of excuses, we faithfully tolerated with our security officers who gave this and that excuse for the attacks. You know, they pointed fingers at some internal conflicts within, tribalism, politics, and the list of excuses went on. We knew our dead brothers would in a way forgive us for forgiving the irresponsibility that had caused their deaths. Furthermore, they had been part and parcel of us and they too understood the principle of faking it till you make it. One must have an excuse.
We waited patiently for the attacks to stop, for deaths to stop. Somehow, we had faith that our fellow men of reason would in a way curb the crime. We prayed earnestly that our rule would prevail this trying time and maybe thereafter we would make it a national slogan. And our motto as a country would be “fake it till you make it.” However, in a sudden turn of things, top agents of security tried in a last resort to replace the principle of giving excuses with that of faking it for the second time. They tried to be news reporters. Instead of giving reasons and excuses, they only would appear on T.V reporting things they are supposed to undertake. Like a child who blames the older brother for their own mistakes to the parent, they have come up with such a reporting strategy. And they would tell us, so and so is against us, so and so wants this country to go to war, this party wants to destabilize the country.
I with fellow fakers roared in anger to denounce this ungodly act. How dare someone fake it for the second time when my first fake has not even succeeded? We told them to the eye, what you are giving as our problem is your problem to handle. A fake neurosurgeon asked them in agony, if I forget a scissors in my patient’s tummy, do I make that your problem? I take it upon me to remove the scissors silently before the patient losses life. Therefore, you, if you know who is behind these killings, be it the opposition or the proverbial seven demons, deal with it and stop them. Don’t just report to us, otherwise you are faking it for the second time. We are sure for one, we can never go into war, besides, despite our expertise we cannot fake war. We will stay at peace with fellow fakers because our endeavors can only succeed in a peaceful environment. Only you stop nagging us by trying to fake it for the second time.
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